Building and breaking – a reflection at half term

There is a question to be asked when you get up and when you go to bed; a question that like an arrow points you in the right direction, and later allows you to meditate on before retiring.

Do you wake determined, that whatever befalls you; you will do and say only that which builds?

It is hard work and is certainly not ever fully achieved. Can you imagine what would happen if every husband or wife woke determined that he or she would actually show love to the other, irrespective of how they felt? What a change there would be! Love is after all a verb first and not just a feeling.

It is when couples react to the disappearance of the feeling by stopping the working that relationships disappear. What should happen is that the working should increase when the feelings decrease.

Can you imagine if in work relationships we were determined to build the organisation? What if, as we reached our work place we would say, “In every word I will build up people, and contribute to a new and better day. In every action I will show that my presence in this place has purpose greater than my own good and ambition?”

Of course, breaking down is sometimes good as well. But we humans sacrifice our souls on the altar of temporary self indulgence by finding the pathway to the destruction of our own people far too easily. We should never break humans down. One of the greatest of all leadership traits is to be able to always distinguish the person from his or her actions. It is quite possible to build a person while breaking down even the most abhorrent actions.

But it is difficult!

A very useful exercise is to try and replay the day in slow motion in one’s mind before going to sleep. Using the principles of Ignatian Contemplation one very soon learns to simply know what parts of the day have been constructive and which have been destructive.

Let use half term at least a bit for a review of our building, in every sphere of our lives.

Drawing Positive People Together

I read a book once about an American newspaper publisher who decided that his newspaper would only publish good news. He was very soon insolvent.

News is only really news when it is bad. That is what sells.

We tend to fall into this trap. We so easily fall into the negative. Do we by default, (automatically, as a habit) see the best in people or do we judge on imperfection?

How easy it is to be negative about people! We seem to crave showing off our own discontent, for actually negativity is seldom about the issue and usually about ourselves. Think about your discussions around the braai or dinner table, your discussions with colleagues or even with your hairdresser. How many start “Isn’t it wonderful..?” or “How good to ….?” Very few I suspect!

Negative talk nearly always reflects a deeper personal issue and serves to provide momentary relief from personal pain.

The trouble is that in the world of organisations, and St Mary’s DSG is no different, one negative is not cancelled by one positive. Negativity is a cancer which eats not only at our personal soul but erodes the school’s vitality.

A simple example which I share with the girls often: one guest not greeted can negate hundreds who are.

Certainly one unkind comment by a teacher can undo a year of loving attention. (It shouldn’t but it does.)

One disgruntled parent who feels it preferable to indulge in car park gossip can create untold damage irrespective of the majority who are fully supportive.

This St Mary’s Matters is an appeal to DRAW POSITIVE PEOPLE TOGETHER….for the “good news” people to prevail; for Old Girls, Staff, Parents and Pupils to simply overwhelm the negative minority by becoming visible, active and determined. This is an appeal to the community to join our march forward, onward and upward, and to reject the temptation towards the downward spiral.

For we are a school moving forward, determined to make tomorrow better than today, eager to improve, welcoming constructive discontent, knowing that however good we are, we can be better, and are called by God to conform more to His plan every new day.

You may have heard the joke: “A man was watching a fisherman load crayfish onto a shallow tray for transport to be sold. Crayfish upon crayfish was loaded on top of each other until the squirming pile was ludicrously high. Expecting the pile to collapse in a disastrous splash liberating the entire catch, the man asked, ‘Why don’t you put them in a box with bigger sides?’ ‘Not necessary’ the fisherman replied. ‘These are South African crayfish. They are so busy pulling each other down, none will fall off!’”

Let me share some Positive News.

From a 2012 matric just received “Thank you for providing me with an education that equips me with a mind that is capable of analysing information, processing it and then making my own educated conclusion, instead of just repeating information. Education isn’t what you learn. It’s what you do with what you learn.”

From a new Junior School parent, “We are absolutely loving the energy around DSG …”

From parents of a matric who left in 2010 who I bumped into at Hillcrest Boulevard “St Mary’s is the reason our daughter has done so well at university.”

From the mother of a new Senior School girl “The school buildings and grounds are beautiful, steeped in a rich tradition and history that seems to echo throughout and creates a sense of peace and tranquility.”

From a 2012 matric “Thank you for making DSG feel like a family and not a school. I am really going to miss all the traditions and values that make DSG remarkable.

From another 2012 matric “My life is embedded in the grounds that make the gardens and the bricks that build the walls.”

From another 2012 matric, “I do believe that my time here has shaped me into a more confident, respectful and presentable woman.”

And another “ I leave the gates of DSG with the belief that in life one should strive for the extraordinary and make time to enjoy the ride. Our beautiful school and its phenomenal people have inspired my belief and I could not be more grateful. DSG is in my heart and where ever life may take me I will always feel protected and like I belong.”

Like Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu (who said at the 130th Anniversary Mass “This is the type of school they said could not exist”,) I believe in the innate goodness of people. I also believe in the self fulfilling prophecy “Positive people produce positive results, and negative people negative results.”

Let us DRAW POSITIVE PEOPLE TOGETHER, and together with the 2013 matrics strive for their mission for the year “Together. We are one.”